Really Long Titles For Pretend Articles Can Be Fun When It's Possible To Hyphanate Everything But You Don't.

Yeah, I don't know what the hell her problem is...

I hope he wins - and I hope a whole buncha people buy the book.

In other news, I am going to write an article entitled:

"People Who Turn On The Lights And Really Think The Front Three Rows Are Accidentally Empty Five Minutes Before Curtain."

Who are those people!?

You know who I'm talking about, right? Imagine a classroom at nine in the morning. Five people sit in the gentle semi-darkness of the filtered morning sun kissing the windows. Peace...

And then someone walks in and flips on the fluorescents - without flinching or hesitating or anything! What kind of person does that? What are they thinking when they do it? Do they really believe that all five people "didn't realize" the lights were off? What, in goshdurndiddly, right do they have to turn on the lights when their classmates are doing fine? The teacher can turn on the lights, but if you walk in and find a contingency of peaceful people in morning sun - getcha damn hands offa switch!

Then there's these folks - the ones that show up five minutes before the beginning of a lecture/play/concert/whatever. They walk in and look over the crowded, crowded, really crowded auditorium, and suddenly their eyes light upon empty seats in the first three rows. So they walk past all the short little old ladies sitting behind the football team, the hard of hearing in the back row, the eager beaver student who's car died and forced him to run 5 miles to get here to hear this speaker but sadly, he'll have to sit so far to peripheral that he spends the lecture admiring the speakers earlobes - they walk past all of these folks, right up to the front, and then spy with amazement-- A rope. A sign. A string of colored crepe paper. And they, utterly put-out, turn and announce to each other with shock and incredulity, "They're saved!"

No shit, Sherlock.

Who are these people?

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posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/18/2008 10:51:00 PM