M.A.S.H.

No, no - not Hawkeye and Klinger. The game we played as kids - remember? The little paper square thingy that predicted your future - your car, your husband, the number of kids you would have, and of course - what sort of dwelling place you will live in: Mansion-Apartment-Shack-House?

I want a mansion.

(Not so unusal, I know.)

Now, my faith assures me that I shall have my mansion someday. Jesus has gone to prepare it for me! Yes! It's very exciting! He's up there working on it right now - been workin' on it for two thousand years... And I'm very thankful, I am! Very! Really! I am!

Ok, fine. You can tell I'm trying too hard. Fine. It's just this - just this one little thing. I'm worried about, well, his tastes...

I mean, tell the truth - don't you think "streets of gold" are just a little bit on the gaudy side? Really, darling - what next? A family room furnished with cushy, comfortable jewel bedecked golden thrones? Ruby-crusted toilet seats and rolls of toiletsilk? A welcome mat made of emeralds with "WIPE YER PAWS" spelled out in diamond? Everyone walking room to room in sunglasses? You get what I'm saying...

Anyway, I want a mansion and I want it now. Ethereal mansions in the sky are great - even with Designs by Gaudy Gody - but that clause about mandatory death prior to possession is a killer.

(*gag*)

So I imagine. I dream of the earthly mansion I will build someday - or at least I did.

Before...

Before...

Well...

But oh! It is lovely - and you're all invited! There will be fountains and chandeliers, grand staircases and balconies, libraries and roaring fireplaces, gardens and pools, stables and riding paths, woods and orchards - I could go on and on!

Well, I could. But that was all before...

See, recently something got hold of me, something we might best call "reasonableness" or "moderation" or "common sense" - evil bastards.

I don't need all that! Really! Mansions of grandeur! Please! Be reasonable! Be realistic! What's wrong with a nice little cottage? You could still have your flower garden and your peach tree! Ten acres and one horse! Nice light fixtures! Bookshelves! Who needs a whole room dedicated to books?

And so I began to clean house, so to speak.

Goodbye, Great Room! With your chandeliers and fountains and two-story Christmas tree! And goodbye to Christmas balls and Halloween parties as well! Farewell, Terra-Cotta Bedroom! With your dark-wood-southern-european-styled furniture and red and pink flowers in your window box! And a fond farewell also to your magic that transports us to Florence every evening! Adieu, vast library with your wood floors and stone fireplace and leather chairs! And adieu to the enchantment that lies thick in the air like the smell of a thousand old books!

All I need is a snug little home. Maybe I'll splurge and get a two bedroom... I'll have a cozy little living room and invite friends over to watch videos...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

No. I will not.

I will not give up my Great Room - even if it remains only in my head! And I will NOT be satisfied with videos!

That's just what's wrong with us today! No balls! No masquerades! No cathedrals! No glitter! No banquets! No waltzes! NO MAGIC!

Just videos and popcorn.

O God of Golden Streets - save us!

We've become too humble to be awed,
And too proud to be gaudy.

I've got a mansion, just over the hilltop,
In that bright land where, we'll never grow old.
And someday yonder, we'll never more wander,
But walk the streets of the purest gold!

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 8/21/2006 11:14:00 AM

 

Comments:

I really enjoyed this! Gonna have to ponder 'bout the end line. Never thought about it that way before...

# by:  spookyrach : 11:35 AM

 

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