In Heaven There Is NO POLKA!

About a month ago, the local public radio announced that they were sponsoring a concert by my favorite polka band! I was so excited! And then...I forgot about it.

Drat!

So to sooth my self, I purchased one of their older CD's that I didn't have. What I like about this CD is - well a lot of things - but the thing I especially like is the last track, which is titled, "In Heaven There is No Beer." (You'll need to scroll to this song alphabetically...)

Why do I like this song? Because of associated memories. The first time I heard this song, Paul M. (Mr. Conservative Baptist Boy, Graduate of Southwest Seminary, Ph. D in Church-State Studies, Card Carrying Libertarian) was dancing a polka around the living room, singing at the top of his voice while Princess ran around in circles barking...trying to figure out if something was wrong...poor dog.

So driving back from Barnes & Noble yesterday in a friend's car, I popped in the CD and discovered...that my friend has an aversion to bass. Bass - not the fish - but bass, like opposite of treble. The bass was turned all the way off or down or whatever, so I - like any good polka lover - turned up the bass - not ghetto style - but for crying out loud, it was polka! What's the point if you don't have at least a little bass?!

Ok, driving down the road now, cruising with my polka music and then...

A red light.

At first I notice nothing. And then I become conscious of the fact that my rearview mirror is...tremoring. Each bass note is like a rock thrown in the water. I touch the steering wheel and it too reverberates with the plucking of the bass. All of this is just registering as a truck full of construction workers pull up beside me, and then a van with a soccer mom on my right, in the turn lane.

I immediately freeze. No car-seat-dancing (which is what I was accidentally doing). I think to myself, "If I don't move, maybe the soccer mom will think it's the construction workers and vice versa."

So I sit.

In absolute stillness.

With a really bored look on my face.

While my car is sending sound waves out with SUPERSONIC FORCE.

It. Is. The. LONGEST redlight ever!

The absurdity of the situation begins to sink in, and I can't help myself. I start to smirk. I bite my lower lip and and put my hand over my mouth in a casual "I'm thinking" pose...and I've got teeth showing now. I bite harder and start snickering. The tassel hanging of the rearview mirror is bouncing around, doing its own little polka. I cough, frown and study my knees.

I can see the construction workers out of the corner of my eye.

They're looking.

At the very serious, frowning, grumpy looking white woman thumpin' to polka music at 3:15 in the afternoon on a Tuesday.

Green Light!

And rubber!

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 6/29/2005 07:32:00 AM