A Weird Thing

My story...
Part 1 Part 2
Part 3 Part 4
Part 5 Part 6
Part 7 Part 8 (Addendum) Part 9 Part 10


The story of the next three years is the story of two friends. The first friend was quite and contemplative and we spent many hours together talking and thinking about God and our place in the world. The second friend was outgoing and opinionated and we spent many hours together talking (loudly with wild gesturing) and thinking about God and our place in the world.

As if I didn't already think enough.

But what we were asking, with all of our questions, was...

Who are you, God?

And this is what so many people don't understand about me. I ask questions all the time -

I ask if Buddhists go to heaven. I ask how airplanes fly. I ask if systems have morality. I ask how much animals think. I ask why "preacher" is an occupation and "encourager" is not. I ask why I'm here...or here...or here. I ask if there is life beyond that on our planet. I ask about free will and predestination. I ask about immortality and death. I ask if I can eat chocolate all day long without gaining a pound.

But what I'm really asking, with each and every question, is Who Are You God??

So many folks think I ask questions because I like to be full of factoids. Hardly. I don't give a damn about trivia questions. Other folks think I ask questions because I don't know the answers. They're right about that - I don't know the answers - but what they don't realize is that they don't know the answers either. Some folks think I ask questions because I need to know the answers - to be right and in charge. They must be crazy. The more I know how little I know, the more I tremble at the thought of misleading others with my haphazard guesses.

So that's why these two friends were such great friends. They knew, and were asking also, the real question behind all the other questions is the question that draws us into intimacy...it is the question of lovers and friends...

Who are you?

And every question is a prayer.

And though I could not find a church, and though I bounced around from graduate degree to graduate degree, and though I went from full time work to part time work to 80 hours a week to no job at all - I would not trade this time for anything.

I wouldn't stay stuck in this time for anything either.

It was that period of time when you test out all your theories against the real world. You ask, "Is this the Truth?" (who are you God?) and then you wait. Not to find out if the world will blow a hole in your theory - because that's inevitable - but instead you wait to see what's still standing when the dust clears.

Despite the holes...despite your theories.

And what I found was this very odd reality...

Faith.

Faith is a weird thing.

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/24/2005 08:04:00 PM