On The Way

My story...
Part 1 Part 2
Part 3 Part 4
Part 5 Part 6
Part 7 Part 8 (Addendum) Part 9

Phil told me "the Mission Waco thing" didn't happen anywhere else after he had been gone for a year.

I haven't seen Phil in five years. I know he finished his Ph.D. He's a real doctor - like the kind that you'd want to see if you were having a heart attack - as opposed to one of us Doctors of Bull...well, you know.

Anyhow, I hope he doesn't believe what he told me anymore.

The "Mission Waco thing" essentially was the Church - a small piece of it, colored in our own way, but nonetheless it was the Church, living and breathing.

I've tried to make a list of what I think constitutes the Church. I can't. At Mission Waco, there was a huge emphasis on serving the poor - complete with the occasion piece of bad theology here and there, but whatever, you can't win 'em all.

Anyway, not every gathering of the Church emphasizes serving the poor. Some gatherings of the church emphasize freedom from sin and a life of holiness. Some gatherings emphasize the spiritual forces that surround us. Some gatherings pull away from society and stand as a stark contrast to the rest of us - but they help us see another side of God. Some gatherings are right in the middle of it all - politics, business, culture, and they give us insight into how God walks in those halls.

There is no list.

All I can tell you is that in the Church - universal, unfettered by space and time - is defined by love.

And oh, how that word begs to be unpacked.

Love.

There is no list.

When I moved to Michigan, I began immediately looking for the Church. You can't always find it in buildings. You can't necessarily find it on the Christian Radio Station.

As an aside, I no longer listen to the popular Christian station here in town. They lost my ear after two of their DJ's carried on and on for at least 30 minutes about the Jewish Festival of Lights, which occurs near Christmas time, that they repeatedly pronounced "Cha-new-ka." Imagine me driving down the rode, banging on the steering wheel, screaming "Hanukkah! Hanukkah! (What can I say? I'm a snob...)"

The folks I moved here with quickly settled in a Baptist church. I wasn't all that comfortable in the Sunday service - mostly because it was too comfortable for me - but the people were nice and they soon became part of my life.

There was a married couple that became friends of mine. They are great people - wonderful, really. But theirs was not the gift of discernment. And apparently, neither was mine at that time.

They wanted me to go out with some guy they knew. He was great - drummer in a Christian band, worked with the youth at his church, yadda yadda yadda.

So I went out on a date with him. I have never met anyone so completely self-absorbed - bless his heart. He had the social IQ of an 8 year old. All he thought about was himself and how cool this car or that video game was.

It was amazing. I had never dated an 8 year old before...

Anyway, I smiled and laughed. I had no intentions of going out with him again, BUT...

There wasn't anyone else around - I mean, like ANYONE. Not just guys - I mean girls too. There were no people who were anywhere near my age that I could hang out with. Lots of married people my age - married with children - but no one who could just go to a movie on a Saturday night.

Ok, I know. Boohoo! Poor me!

But it was a big deal then. I was lonely! So...

So when Mr. 21-going-on-8 called again, I said yes.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Apparently, he wasn't completely 8 years old because he was quite familiar with sex. So we were watching a video and, like I did with all my friends in college, we were laying on the floor. Suddenly...

Yeah - suddenly he was all over me.

I really think that I went into shock. I remember there being a (seemingly) long period of time when I wasn't thinking anything. I was just laying there. The first thought I remember having was, "Maybe this is what people mean by making-out..."

My second thought was, "This isn't really as fun as they say it is..."

Anyway, he might have been One Really Big Walking Hormone and he might have been 8 years old in his mind, but there still was some sense of decency about him because he didn't move past the fully-clothed stage - at least that night.

But this is how naive I was - I wasn't sure if I had had sex or not. I never listened to any sex education information or watched anything "bad" on TV, so I really was clueless.

My conclusion? I thought I had. And here's where I got really sick. I thought I had had sex and therefore, I was suppose to marry him. You know, there's this rule that God has about only have sex with the man you're married to, so I thought I could make it right by marrying him.

God save us all from such terrible thinking.

God save the Church from such damaging simplicity.

So I continued to date him for about a month, and he spent the whole time manipulating my emotions. He'd say things like, "If you don't marry me, I won't be able to take it. I won't even try again." I was horribly miserable. I did not want to marry him AT ALL or at anytime, but I was sure that I had to - God said so, you know? And besides, I didn't want him to never get a chance to marry...

Anyway, the night came when he had definitely decided it was time to have sex. I don't know what happened. Something snapped.

I just sorta kinda...knocked him across the room. Ha! It's kinda funny now, remembering how he even got some air...!

So anyway, after a month of dating a Big Hormone, I dusted my hands of the whole thing and walked away - relatively unscathed compared to what could have happened.

I just want to pause here and tell you why I say these things outloud - where anyone can read them. I am convinced that those things which are hidden by our shame have amazing powers to control us. I am convinced that the gathering of the Church in America covers sexuality in shame. I believe that this gives sexuality the amazing power it has in our culture and I believe that for freedom - freedom for the captives - we must talk about sexuality and sex openly and honestly - denying it the right to rule us anymore. And so I tell my story - to myself, yes. But to you as well. And I stand firmly on this truth - all that I have done well is girded by God's grace, and all that I have failed in is covered by God's mercy. Simply little me, I have known the Truth and the Truth has set me free.

So, anyway, that was my social welcome to Michigan - yuk. Quite depressing, but don't lose heart! There are good things on the Way!

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 2/20/2005 01:38:00 PM