Three Minutes Ago...

I just don't have anytime these days - and I'm sad! Because... Well, because to process anything I need to either write about or talk about it. Writing is my preference, but that's just because people look at you funny when you talk to yourself. My downstairs neighbor probably thinks I'm looney - well, either that or I'm hiding Jews...

Anyway, I feel pulled in all kinds of directions.

First, I think I should submit a paper to The Pricilla Papers, an academic journal concerning gender issues in the church. But, I would need to actually put it together...

Second, I need to figure out what I'm doing at school. I hate it. Pray for me - really - if you have time.

Third, I still am going through ALL THE MAIL that collected while I was in the UK. I just want it to stop. Really, all I want is for all the mail to quit coming.

Fourth, I'm working more, because it's busier, because of CHRISTMAS! Please, these people plan WAY to far in advance - they're buying CALENDARS, for goodness sakes! You'll have to ask the LeyenKing about calendars in my house (for those of you who know him)...

Fifth, I am experimenting with submission. Not mutual submission, but hierachical submission. After England, I decided I really needed to give the other side (hierarchical gender relations) a chance - mostly because any doubt I had was completely blown out of the water after meeting the women and men from CBE, WATCH and Men, Women and God. So anyway, to give hierarchical roles a fair chance, I took the "submission challenge." I submitted myself to a friend who agreed to play the game with me - except it really wasn't a game. I really did it without any saftey net. He did not have to agree to release me at a later point. He did not have to agree to anything, except to accept my submission. I will have to post about it when I have time, because I learned quite a bit. But for now, let me say when he released me from my submission, I got down on my knees and cried and thanked God - really, I did. I thanked God that I could come to God and that I could be led by God and that I only needed one High Priest.

Sixth, we are continuing the experiment, except now I am in the leadership position and he is submitting to me. Soon we will try mutual submission... I will write more later.

Seventh, I feel as though I have been blacklisted by a friend - I am in pain.

Eight, I feel as though I have lost another friend - and I just want to throw my hands in the air and walk away.

Ninth, I have character flaws. I just realized that the reason I feel guilty even after I ask for forgiveness is because I ask for forgiveness for "this thing" and "that thing", but it doesn't change the fact that I'm still the kind of person who would do "this and that thing." Woe to me! I am a woman of unclean lips - can these lips be redeemed? Or do I need to cut them off?

Tenth, I am strained over the tensions of Calvinism and Armenianism - over God's soverienty and my responsibility - over immobility versus kicking down doors. There must be something higher than this tension - something in which the tension makes sense - but I know not what it is...

I'm suppose to be somewhere 3 minutes ago...

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 9/16/2004 11:21:00 AM