Thoughts...

This wonderful, aching poetry was written by my amazingly talented little sister. For more thoughtful postings, please visit her site...you can find her link at the bottom of my page listed as "The Little Sis".

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The entire world is spinning spinning round me in a dizzy grey cloud and I am
sitting sitting

perfectly
going nowhere.

I twiddle my fork and look across at her. She smiles but not really. I don't smile at all.

The waitress asks is everything okay
just great we say
she is in her forties and picking up my dirty dishes
smiling but not really.

I prop my chin in my hand and watch fat-legged children crawl over their mommies' laps, simpering and kicking, wanting to run,
the withered couple saying nothing to my left

across the table, she pokes at her plate, busy with her not-caring
I with my not-living
they with their not-knowing
we with our not-showing

she's sad,
and I know because I've been sad
she's not taking care of herself
and I know because I don't take care of myself
she's almost-hopeless
and I know because I'm almost-hopeless

I know, too, why we're here in this cheap place full of cheap artificial pleasure
she's sad because the door of opporunity slammed in her face
I'm irritable, anxious, curt, sarcastic, antsy, paranoid, self-deprecating, irrational and unpredictable because my door of opportunity is wide open before me

but the wind is blowing hard.

And so this is what it comes down to, friends, this little table where we face each other and look with tired eyes toward a unforgiving and uncertain exsistence.

Oh Lord, there's got to be a place out there for me,
a place in Boston for me, a chair at the table for me, a place in his arms for me. Whine whine.

But the world doesn't seek my approval about its spinning, it just goes and goes and I throw time out the window, always looking for tommorow when I'll be smiling, and really.

posted by Headless-in-GR @ 4/28/2004 10:43:00 AM